Dashboard › Module 4 › Lesson 2
DEAR MAN: Ask for What You Need
Most people do one of two things when they need something from someone: they swallow it and resent it, or they blow up trying to get it. There's a third way, and it's a script you can run cold, even when you're nervous. Seven letters that turn a dreaded ask into a clean one. DEAR MAN.
Full teaching script
Hook
Most people do one of two things when they need something from someone: they swallow it and resent it, or they blow up trying to get it. There's a third way, and it's a script you can run cold, even when you're nervous. Seven letters that turn a dreaded ask into a clean one. DEAR MAN.
D-E-A-R
The DEAR is the body of the ask. D — Describe the facts, just the facts, no interpretation. "The report came in late twice this week." E — Express how you feel, with an I-statement. "I felt stressed covering for it." A — Assert the actual ask. Say the thing. Don't hint, don't hope they figure it out — name it. "I need it by 4 p.m. going forward." R — Reinforce; tell them what's in it for them. "That way we both get out on time." Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce. That's the ask, built.
M-A-N
The MAN is how you hold it together while you deliver it. M — Mindful. Stay on point. If they try to drag you onto a different topic or an old argument, you calmly come back to your ask. Broken record. A — Appear confident. Voice steady, posture up, eye contact — even if your stomach is in knots. You act the part and the feeling follows. N — Negotiate. Be willing to give a little to get a little. You're not issuing a demand, you're making a deal. Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate. That's how you hold the line without going to war over it.
Worked example
Let me put it all together so you hear the rhythm. "When the report came in late twice this week" — that's Describe. "I felt stressed covering for it" — Express. "I need it by 4 p.m. going forward" — Assert. "That way we both leave on time" — Reinforce. Calm. Clear. Specific. Hard to argue with, because there's no attack in it — just facts, a feeling, a clear ask, and a benefit. Nobody has to get defensive, because you didn't come in swinging.
Why scripting works
Here's why we script it instead of winging it. Remember the principle: you don't rise to the occasion in a hard conversation — you fall to your level of training. When the tension is high, you don't suddenly become more articulate. You get worse. So you script it on paper when it's cold and easy, you say it out loud a few times, and then when it's hot, the words are already there. You're not composing under fire. You're reading from training.
The rep
Your rep: write a DEAR MAN script for one real ask you've been avoiding. The raise, the boundary, the favor, the hard thing you keep not saying. Just write it today, all seven letters. You're going to deliver it as this module's assignment — but first, get it on paper. Next lesson — protecting the relationship and your self-respect while you make the ask: GIVE and FAST.
Slides / on-screen
Do this now
Your rep: write a DEAR MAN script for one real ask you've been avoiding. The raise, the boundary, the favor, the hard thing you keep not saying. Just write it today, all seven letters. You're going to deliver it as this module's assignment — but first, get it on paper. Next lesson — protecting the relationship and your self-respect while you make the ask: GIVE and FAST.
Your rep: write a DEAR MAN script for one real ask you've been avoiding. The raise, the boundary, the favor, the hard th…
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